The Memory Doc by Jill Joyce PhD
at "http://www.thememorydoc.com"

Volume 1/Issue No 4

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Viktor E. Frankl
From "Man's Search for Meaning"

"When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task: his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden."

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My sister-in-law, Jeanine Joyce, has been helping both her parents through their mid and final stages of Alzheimer's. Her efforts have been absolutely exemplary. Perhaps she doesn't realize the influence she is having on the rest of the family, but I have never witnessed anyone so incredibly inspirational, practical, and brave.

For the longest time, Jeanine's parents were in Florida while she was in the North East U.S. As their Alzheimer's became apparent, Jeanine began to visit them more and more in the home she finally chose for them when they could no longer be alone. Jeanine didn't just choose any home. She investigated. She researched. Then she picked a top-notch place with the highest reputation and credentials in the Alzheimer's industry. (I won't name them; I'm not looking for lawsuits here).

Nonetheless, when she or her siblings would visit, they would find nothing done properly for her parents. She was very frustrated as her expectations for the facility were so much higher. Finally, she made the decision she wanted to move them back up North near her home so she could visit them daily.

First of all, the process she had to go through to do this was amazing. But since they have been near her home, she has been able to go to the facility and visit them daily. She says, even at that, she must still tell the staff repeatedly the simplest things they should already be doing, like--to turn her mother over regularly in order to prevent bed sores. Or things like-- Would they please give her mom a bib rather than allow her to drip all over her clothes? She often finds her parents not cared for as she hoped even at the facility where they know Jeanine will be coming for a daily visit.

When she hangs out with her parents and they ask her what's up at home, she'll often include them in simple things like talk about her upcoming grocery store trip. She'll ask them to do routine things they always did-- like help her prepare her grocery list. She realizes the neglect of daily chores and activities is adding to their dull minds.

She also takes games with her to their bedside and they play and chat. Sometimes she plays simple concentration games or card games, particularly with matching or naming activities.

When their food comes, she'll talk to them about things written on their milk cartons, etc. They'll discuss whether a word is spelled properly on the carton or not and try to remember how they recall it was spelled. This is easy when someone actually takes the time to hang out awhile and just let normal conversations and discussions happen.

Jeanine's parents even recognize her better than they did before she moved them and she was unable to spend time with them because they were in different states.

Her mother used to say she didn't like it where they were in Florida. Now her mother is saying, "I like it here." So Jeanine knows the care has definitely improved.

For Jeanine, this change and bringing her parents to her home area is about their dignity and her peace of mind. She knows her mother wouldn't intentionally walk around wearing a sloppy shirt with spills all over it. Now she can help to make sure that's not the way she is living.

She also knows that when one of them dies the other one probably won't be far behind. Slowly, she watches and each day she realizes she will soon need to let go. Her mother is weakening. Her father is a bit stronger. But she is there for both of them.

For Jeanine, and all of you out there with relatives, spouses, parents or friends suffering from something like final stage Alzheimer's, what Jeanine has done will give her and her siblings peace for many years to come.

This may be my opinion, but I believe it is right to do the responsible, dignified thing and be there for those who were there for you when you were the weak one if it is at all possible. If not, somehow, we should at least be sure that our loved ones are cared for as we would attempt to care for them.

Read the opinion of psychiatrist Victor Frankl quoted regarding his experiences dealing with those suffering in the prison camps of Germany:

"What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves, and furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

Frankl goes on to say that our unique opportunities lie in the way we each bear our burdens. Ah, yes. There it is again. The human challenge lies in choosing to respond well no matter how much we hurt.

Dr. Jill

E-Mail: drjjoyce@att.net
http://www.thememorydoc.com 
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